I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms .… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Nothing ruins the mood during foreplay more than the recurring image of your sixty-five-year-old homeroom teacher trying to stretch a condom over… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
There's no more delicious irony on the face of the Earth than environmental protesters being led away in plastic handcuffs that have… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Only man is a narcissistic enough species to think that a highly evolved alien life force would travel across billions and billions… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
There's a lot of differing data [about global warming], but as far as I can gather, over the last hundred years the… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
At some point you cannot be the kid in the glass bubble in this world. You might've heard throughout your grade school… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Campaign analysts say that Dean has produced the most innovative web site in this year's presidential race. I particularly like today's blog,… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Forbes magazine has named Mel Gibson this year's most powerful celebrity. ... Forbes' least powerful celebrity? [Miller displayed the widely circulated image… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I've grown fonder for Hillary Clinton since she ran for the presidency. I think that it's emblematic of the Rolling Stones song,… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What makes us… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Drop the veneer periodically and be like "OK, I'm an imperfect human. Let's try to get through this." — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I'm left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut case from… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I think abortion's wrong, but it's none of my business to tell somebody what's wrong, he said. So I'm pro-choice. I want to keep… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet! — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in a person. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
![“There's a lot of differing data [about global warming], but as far as I can gather, over the last hundred years the temperature on this planet has gone up 1.8 degrees. Am I the only one who finds that amazingly stable? I could go back to my hotel room tonight and futz with the thermostat for three…” quote by Dennis Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/c11/dennis-miller-1315_data_there-s-a-lot-of-differing-data-about-gl_140331.jpg)
![“Forbes magazine has named Mel Gibson this year's most powerful celebrity. ... Forbes' least powerful celebrity? [Miller displayed the widely circulated image from the Lynndie England photographs of a hooded Iraqi prisoner with wires attached to his outstretched arms] You're looking at him. Screw…” quote by Dennis Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/5f7/dennis-miller-1315_arms_forbes-magazine-has-named-mel-gibson-thi_1793773.jpg)
