I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we… — Dennis Miller Bags Copy Share Image
“Big Pharma prefers the model of mail order pharmacy where prescription drug orders are filled the same way that Amazon.com fills orders… — Dennis Miller Drug Copy Share Image
The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood. — Dennis Miller American Copy Share Image
A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've… — Dennis Miller Errors Copy Share Image
I'm extremely moved by the loving, caring relationship the President always seems to have with his imaginary son. — Dennis Miller Caring Copy Share Image
I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I'm allowed to hate it if… — Dennis Miller Country Copy Share Image
The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop. — Dennis Miller Behinds Copy Share Image
I haven't seen anyone rely on the ground game this much since the battle of Verdun. — Dennis Miller Battle Copy Share Image
I'll say this about the war protesters: At least most of them are only putting duct tape across their mouths so I… — Dennis Miller Ass Copy Share Image
And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the… — Dennis Miller Ads Copy Share Image
There's no more delicious irony on the face of the Earth than environmental protesters being led away in plastic handcuffs that have… — Dennis Miller Delicious Copy Share Image
Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so… — Dennis Miller Cash Copy Share Image
It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the… — Dennis Miller Culture Copy Share Image
I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and… — Dennis Miller Captains Copy Share Image
President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to… — Dennis Miller People Copy Share Image
The Mexican people I know seem to respect the country in a way that many spoiled brats who were born here don't.… — Dennis Miller Book Copy Share Image
I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown. — Dennis Miller Cat Copy Share Image
What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and… — Dennis Miller Big mac Copy Share Image
I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love. — Dennis Miller Celine Copy Share Image
Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester. — Dennis Miller Abortion Copy Share Image
And I've always been paranoid. I can remember as a baby my mother would spin the mobile above my head and thinking..."yeah,… — Dennis Miller Baby Copy Share Image
We are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra. — Dennis Miller Bones Copy Share Image
Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets! — Dennis Miller Delivering Copy Share Image
A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George. — Dennis Miller Clock Copy Share Image
Is global warming new? I don't know. When I was young I remember the sun being hot. — Dennis Miller Climate Copy Share Image
How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching. — Dennis Miller God Copy Share Image
It's wrong to discriminate based on skin color when there are so many other reasons not to like someone. — Dennis Miller Color Copy Share Image
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it. — Dennis Miller Funny Copy Share Image
Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks. — Dennis Miller All night Copy Share Image
When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb. — Dennis Miller Cuneiform Copy Share Image
I'm actually equal parts cynicism and apathy. I'm always willing to believe the worst as long as it doesn't take too much… — Dennis Miller Apathy Copy Share Image
I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless. — Dennis Miller Ass Copy Share Image
Jerry Falwell says that abortion and homosexuality are sins. Oh yeah? Well, so is gluttony, Jerry. So maybe you should think about… — Dennis Miller Abortion Copy Share Image
If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children! — Dennis Miller Bigs Copy Share Image
Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program. — Dennis Miller Democracy Copy Share Image
The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the… — Dennis Miller Enemy Copy Share Image
Drop the veneer periodically and be like "OK, I'm an imperfect human. Let's try to get through this." — Dennis Miller Humans Copy Share Image
Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island. — Dennis Miller 4th of july Copy Share Image
After September 11th, freedom of speech in America has become a topic that's touchier than a Vatican summer camp. — Dennis Miller America Copy Share Image
I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet. — Dennis Miller Alphabet Copy Share Image
