After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms .… — Dennis Miller Bathroom Copy Share Image
I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust… — Dennis Miller Comedian Copy Share Image
At some point you cannot be the kid in the glass bubble in this world. You might've heard throughout your grade school… — Dennis Miller Brutal Copy Share Image
Now, personally, I am baffled by the concept of racial prejudice. Why hate someone based on the color of their skin when,… — Dennis Miller Baffled Copy Share Image
Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite… — Dennis Miller Detest Copy Share Image
I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns and capricious whimsy of verbs, the strutting… — Dennis Miller High school Copy Share Image
Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things… — Dennis Miller Conservative Copy Share Image
Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks. — Dennis Miller All night Copy Share Image
I don't know about you, but in my neighborhood, they just opened a Starbucks... IN A STARBUCKS!!! — Dennis Miller Community Copy Share Image
It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the… — Dennis Miller Culture Copy Share Image
The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop. — Dennis Miller Behinds Copy Share Image
That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche. — Dennis Miller American football Copy Share Image
The White House again refused to turn over discussions Vice President Cheney had with Enron officials over energy policy. Cheney said if… — Dennis Miller Discussion Copy Share Image
Any time your parent says they party with you, that is its own form of child abuse. — Dennis Miller Abuse Copy Share Image
A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name… — Dennis Miller Funny Copy Share Image
I'm actually equal parts cynicism and apathy. I'm always willing to believe the worst as long as it doesn't take too much… — Dennis Miller Apathy Copy Share Image
I've seen better coverage at an Alan Keyes press conference. — Dennis Miller Conferences Copy Share Image
We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he… — Dennis Miller Country Copy Share Image
And I know your next move, I watch you so much, 'There's been no proven link between the secular state of Iraq… — Dennis Miller Al qaeda Copy Share Image
Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch. — Dennis Miller Hollywood Copy Share Image
He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house. — Dennis Miller Dessert Copy Share Image
Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi. — Dennis Miller Bigs Copy Share Image
