Is it just me, or are the 49ers doing an awful lot of ass-patting today? — Dennis Miller Ass Copy Share Image
Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt. — Dennis Miller Aids Copy Share Image
If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem. — Dennis Miller Clinton Copy Share Image
If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of… — Dennis Miller Dies Copy Share Image
Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam "We're #1" finger. — Dennis Miller Auto mechanic Copy Share Image
Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have… — Dennis Miller Big deal Copy Share Image
A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that message is, 'Hey,… — Dennis Miller Hey Copy Share Image
If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago. — Dennis Miller Done Copy Share Image
Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from… — Dennis Miller Alaska Copy Share Image
I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian. I'm not Ed Murrow up on the roof in a London fog reporting on the… — Dennis Miller Comedian Copy Share Image
The White House again refused to turn over discussions Vice President Cheney had with Enron officials over energy policy. Cheney said if… — Dennis Miller Climate Copy Share Image
Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a… — Dennis Miller Bars Copy Share Image
The man who accused Richard Simmons of slapping him in an airport has dropped the assault charge. Dropped it! Upon hearing the… — Dennis Miller Accused Copy Share Image
Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What… — Dennis Miller Beacons Copy Share Image
I didn't know my Dad - he moved out early. And my mom's politics were kind of hardscrabble. She didn't think about… — Dennis Miller About Copy Share Image
Then people ask me if I'm worried about the effects of global warming on my kids. Well, obviously I love my kids… — Dennis Miller Ask me Copy Share Image
We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he… — Dennis Miller Country Copy Share Image
Now, personally, I am baffled by the concept of racial prejudice. Why hate someone based on the color of their skin when,… — Dennis Miller Baffled Copy Share Image
In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's… — Dennis Miller Agnostic Copy Share Image
Look, we're Americans: optimistic, addicted to the quick fix, constantly on the hunt for the new and exotic. It's much easier for… — Dennis Miller Accepting Copy Share Image
The ACLU spent this entire holiday season protesting public displays of the nativity scene. Yeah, that's the problem with America right now:… — Dennis Miller America Copy Share Image
Yeah, this country's founding fathers are a bunch of dead rich white men, but they did set things up so you could… — Dennis Miller Bowls Copy Share Image
I think abortion's wrong, but it's none of my business to tell somebody what's wrong, he said. So I'm pro-choice. I want… — Dennis Miller Abortion Copy Share Image
I've grown fonder for Hillary Clinton since she ran for the presidency. I think that it's emblematic of the Rolling Stones song,… — Dennis Miller Bats Copy Share Image
Childbirth is a wonderful thing, but the reality is that it can dramatically change a woman's body. SUI occurs when the vaginal… — Dennis Miller Adequate Copy Share Image
Hey Deion, Bubbelah - maybe you'd better pay a little less attention to those unfairly Draconian salary caps that only allowed you… — Dennis Miller Acquire Copy Share Image
I want to help the helpless, but I don't want to help the clueless. — Dennis Miller Clueless Copy Share Image
Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it. — Dennis Miller Caused Copy Share Image
