Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi. — Dennis Miller Andy warhol Copy Share Image
I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round. — Dennis Miller Following Copy Share Image
The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell… — Dennis Miller Down and Copy Share Image
The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts. — Dennis Miller Cowboy Copy Share Image
Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us. — Dennis Miller Dangerous Copy Share Image
The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel. — Dennis Miller Bob Copy Share Image
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that… — Dennis Miller Guilt Copy Share Image
A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house… — Dennis Miller Climate Copy Share Image
I find it shocking that anybody can be brought down in D.C. for gossip, ostensibly. I thought that was the coin of… — Dennis Miller Coins Copy Share Image
And I know your next move, I watch you so much, 'There's been no proven link between the secular state of Iraq… — Dennis Miller Al qaeda Copy Share Image
That kid's got an arm like Uncle Fester at an exhibition of Pre-Colombian... um, Christ, I lost it. I was going for… — Dennis Miller Arms Copy Share Image
And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this… — Dennis Miller Beverages Copy Share Image
The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If… — Dennis Miller Coroner Copy Share Image
What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt… — Dennis Miller Articles Copy Share Image
A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious.… — Dennis Miller Far away Copy Share Image
South African schoolchildren set a world record this week by creating the world's longest clothesline. Hey, what do South Africans wash their… — Dennis Miller Clothes Copy Share Image
Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch. — Dennis Miller Hollywood Copy Share Image
Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock? — Dennis Miller Bin laden Copy Share Image
“Quote: You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven okay? ” — Dennis Miller Eating habits Copy Share Image
I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best… — Dennis Miller Best Copy Share Image
Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention. — Dennis Miller Attention Copy Share Image
Why should I hate someone on the basis of their religion, when I can take a little time to get to know… — Dennis Miller Bases Copy Share Image
Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet! — Dennis Miller Closets Copy Share Image
In the late twentieth century, staying sober has become just as much an addiction as getting wasted. — Dennis Miller Addiction Copy Share Image
Growing up, my family wasn't very tight. We were more like a tour group with secrets. — Dennis Miller Family Copy Share Image
I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in… — Dennis Miller Brain Copy Share Image
Everyone wants answers and wants to know what the timeline is. Unfortunately, it's a complex situation, and we don't have the final… — Dennis Miller Answers Copy Share Image
Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal. — Dennis Miller Dream Copy Share Image
The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq. — Dennis Miller Found Copy Share Image
Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond… — Dennis Miller Bad guy Copy Share Image
When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat. — Dennis Miller Courses Copy Share Image
I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party. — Dennis Miller Communist Copy Share Image
In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you… — Dennis Miller Computer Copy Share Image
For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure… — Dennis Miller Car Copy Share Image
Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of… — Dennis Miller Blast Copy Share Image
Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the… — Dennis Miller Assuming Copy Share Image
After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms .… — Dennis Miller Bathroom Copy Share Image
Technology is fine. . ., but that popular vision of the future, where you plug somebody in and leave them there and… — Dennis Miller Answers Copy Share Image
Think of Iraq as "East Korea," because it was a shoot the cuffs war for the edification of Kim Jong Il to… — Dennis Miller Bigs Copy Share Image
I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust… — Dennis Miller Comedian Copy Share Image
