All Dave Barry Quotes
- The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. Force
- Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass… Advances
- Kids have *_____ never* taken guidance from their parents. If you could travel back in time and observe the original primate family in the original… All
- Please try not to be such a wiener-head. Head
- Don't emphasise money if you don't have much; be happy Emphasise
- Another well-known Paris landmark is the Arc de Triomphe, a moving monument to the many brave women and men who have died trying to visit… Another Well
- The major advantage of domestic travel is that, with a few exceptions such as Miami, most domestic locations are conveniently situated right here in the… Advantage
- I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either. Able
- My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to… Actually Likes
- Shawn's (Shawn Weatherly - former beauty queen) acting ability is such that she could not convey the concept of falling if your pushed her off… Ability
- Infiniti ads are part of an exciting new trend called "Advertising Whose Sole Purpose Is to Irritate You." Ads
- My point here, young couples, is that baby-having is extremely serious business, and you probably don't have the vaguest idea what you're doing, as is… Baby
- Until I became a parent, I thought children just naturally knew how to catch a ball, that catching was an instinctive biological reflex that all… Airports
- Today's toys contain computer chips, so they can move and talk; this stimulates the mind of your child. Notice I say "your child." MY child… Baby
- I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them… Angry
- Cats are independent, by which I mean smart. Cat
- Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so… Albert
- The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. Entertainment
- American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated… Ago
- I, alone, could never have produced this book. I say this mainly in case there are lawsuits. Alone