All Dave Barry Quotes
- We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective. Extremely
- Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt… Airwaves
- Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can… All
- In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to… Act
- American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. America
- As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. Afraid
- Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes. According
- For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. Ball
- I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. American
- If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word. Big
- If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find… Babies
- In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid. Almost Every
- It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money. Art
- Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column. Chance
- Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd. Elmer
- The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. Anybody
- The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species. Endangered
- The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire. Considered
- There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary. Abridged
- Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find… Any