All Dave Barry Quotes
- I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. Afford
- What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. Aging
- Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. Care
- The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. Among
- I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. Computer
- To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life. Better
- If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry. Concerned
- What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between… Absolute
- Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent? Always Telling
- Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. Business
- I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. Car
- The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins. Eyeballs
- Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough. Activity
- My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. All
- The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television. Brain
- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers. Age
- Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything. Approximately
- The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number. Age
- The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition. Camping
- We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth. Beatles