All Dave Barry Quotes
- We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of… Admit
- And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came… Came
- The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man… Baby
- If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity,… All
- See, when the GOVERNMENT spends money, it creates jobs; whereas when the money is left in the hands of TAXPAYERS, God only knows what they… Avoid
- Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP, which according to everybody is the 'most reliable Windows ever.' To me, this is like saying that… According
- You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge… Anywhere
- The nicest Father's Day surprise of all for Dad would be if you handed him a box, and he unwrapped it, and there, inside, sitting… Ago
- The letters in 'Brace Beemer' can be arranged to spell 'Embrace Beer.' Arranged
- Far too often, we fathers avoid the subject because it's so awkward. The subject I am referring to is: buying gifts for women. This is… Anniversary
- You can, legally, possibly hit and kill a fellow golfer with a ball, and there will not be a lot of trouble because the other… Ball
- Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a… Best
- Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last… Abroad
- I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover… Aging
- In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than remembering not to… Alcohol
- After the war, Prohibition was passed, and with liquor no longer legally available the nation plunged headlong into the Great Depression. Alcohol
- All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow. All
- In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will… Alley
- Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers. Beer
- Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the… Always Boring