“1700 years ago is not the same as the year 1700. Still, I was born in both years. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In five years I want to go equally as far as I have come in the last five years. No, farther. Five… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You graduated 120 years ago? When I graduated I was just one of many in a large stack of love letters. Now… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two years ago I bought my brother’s slightly used iMac for five hundred bucks. Five hundred bucks! That’s the price of a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love walked in the door like a dusty cowboy, and I looked that cowboy dead in his eyes and said, “I thought… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I told the waitress I wanted some coffee. She asked if I wanted leaded of unleaded, so I had to leave the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t even hear the phrase ‘Four score and seven years ago’ without thinking of what?” my mom asked. “A top hat… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“After I had my computer about a month, I finally figured out how to turn it on. (Hint: hitting it in various… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I remember my first cell phone number still. I may call it and ask to speak to myself from eight years ago.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“After reading one of my one-liners a few years ago, a former professor of mine looked up at me and said, “You… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I know that man started animal husbandry thousands of years ago, and I think it’s disgusting. Men and animals should never be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a screen to project animated bedtime stories onto, and also a place to project your fears… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I couldn’t have pulled it off if you hadn’t have pulled out all those years ago. So thanks, dad.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Art is like a kite with an airplane propeller, OK? Artists are like people who have scuba tanks for lungs, OK? And… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am Fried Quiero Loud Babcock (not bad cock), and I am here for the ranch dressing your father promised my father,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wrote my name on the list 10 years ago, and under the date I wrote “In the future.” But how’d I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
