“A peaceful wave came over me, and I thought, Thank God I’m holding my breath.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To save space and money, Thor and my mom work in the same office, which is basically like a converted closet, only… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A manmade waterfall that was half man, half waterfall would have a hard time going upstairs. Thank God for waterproof elevators!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to attract a potential life partner. Yes indeed, and it’s how I met my ex wife. And… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I saw a murder taking place, I almost didn’t have time to make coffee before stopping it. But thank God I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Thank God I have enough skin to cover my entire body. But just barely. If my penis were a mere 2.54 centimeters… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My skull is soundproof. And thank God too, or else you’d be able to hear all the horrible things I’m thinking about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
