There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. It's never going to get… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
No one has to come see my shows who doesn't like me talking about white Christians. They are free not buy a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you take five white guys and put 'em with five black guys, and let 'em hang around together for about a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood -… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
