I love the protests. And if you think about it, what better way to send a message to Wall Street than by… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You know who's also joining the Wall Street protesters? Kanye West. That's a real good idea -- a guy with diamonds in… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Critics of the Wall Street protesters claim that they have old ideas, nothing new, and they're never going to work. Wait a… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin had a big op-ed piece in the Wall Street Journal, and she said she's against death panels. And I thought,… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I don't know what they are protesting at Occupy Wall Street but I'm on their side. But 10,000 protestors and one Porta Potty? — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Mary Keitany from Kenya won the women's race at the New York City Marathon. You can tell she was fast because guys… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Donald Trump announced that he is not running for president. He would rather spend his time making Gary Busey sell Snapple on… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Vladimir Putin said the tanks that you see rolling through the streets are just part of the closing ceremonies of the Olympics. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow.… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
