“People have been stabbed over spicy chicken sandwiches. The duck farm industry could benefit from that kind of violence to help increase… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You told me you loved me, and then you stabbed me with a spoon. Luckily, moments… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s hard to find friends I can trust. Most end up either getting shot, stabbed, or I have to tie them up… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I once got stabbed with a lightning bolt. True story. (No it isn’t).” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She was in a coma, and had been unresponsive for years. Every Tuesday I’d visit her and read to her, and as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I stabbed the intruder with a knife. How else was I supposed to cut him into bite-sized pieces?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
