“For your learning disability pleasure, I’ll be playing a song backwards.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a song based on my own childbirth. Of course, this is all a bit premature.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a song called “Two Straws and a Spoon,” about one man being cuckolded by a milkshake.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a song about retaliation called, "Oh Yeah, and I Faked Every Orgasm...While You Were Out of Town.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a song about one man's level of commitment called, "I'd walk to the edge of the world, just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m sleepin’ in your pee pee, and I’m dreaming of what could be.” That’s just the chorus of a little love song… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What I did I can’t undo. But I can address it, and undress you.” This is the chorus in a new song… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“While I was there, the song reminded me of here. But now that I’m here, the song reminds me of there. But… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to create moonglasses, and then write a song called, "I Wear My Moonglasses at Noon." Hopefully, with a little lunar… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a song about the only girl I’ve ever loved. And the chorus will say something like, “I really… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t think anybody’s ever written a song called, “There’s urine on the couch, and the remote control is in the shower.”… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Queen always seemed to me to be manufactured championship music—designed to be played in stadiums to get fans hyped up about paying… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wrote a song called "Stinky Sodomite." It isn't a pop song, a historical song, or a song condemning homosexuality. Rather, it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
