How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Valentine's Day is devoted to love. Why don't we have a day devoted to hatred? The raw, visceral hatred that is felt… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
