Shit talking Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 5

Don't Take It Seriously * When the INTERIOR DECORATOR says, Once it's in, you'll love it

— Nikhil Saluja

I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.

— Nikhil Saluja

When I said You look terrific. I really meant Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving.

— Nikhil Saluja

Men are simple creatures. 99% of their problems can be solved with sex, sandwiches, or both.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm the only man who has a marriage license made out To Whom It My Concern .

— Nikhil Saluja

I've been banging my head against this wall for hours trying to figure out where all this blood is coming from!

— Nikhil Saluja

It's only happy hour if a hot girl is sharing your drinks. Otherwise it's just drowning your misery.

— Nikhil Saluja

Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they…

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies: Men wouldn't cheat if you did a little less nagging, and a little more gagging.

— Nikhil Saluja

Last night I called this girl. SLUT in public & now she is charging me double for sex.

— Nikhil Saluja

Puddle: A small body of water that attracts other small bodies wearing dry shoes.

— Nikhil Saluja

I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to shut up.

— Nikhil Saluja

John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.

— Nikhil Saluja

If someone stole your tweet just write 50 more tweets or have them murdered. Simple.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies, you are delusional if you think you can give me a hand job better than I can.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the HAIRDRESSER says, Do you want it teased or blown?

— Nikhil Saluja

Fancy restaurant: The only restaurant that serves you cold soup on purpose.

— Nikhil Saluja

I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

— Nikhil Saluja

I named my first born child after my mother-in-law. In fact, lazy fat ass bitch turns 5 tomorrow.

— Nikhil Saluja

My mind is now so crowded with valuable information that I can't think.

— Nikhil Saluja

God made woman and the other day he made beer because he was like holy fuck, sorry bro.

— Nikhil Saluja

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. -- To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

— Nikhil Saluja

To feel good about yourself, is there a quota on how many other people each day you have to condemn?

— Nikhil Saluja

Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win.

— Nikhil Saluja

Gasp Reflex : The reaction of a new father when he sees the new mother's breasts.

— Nikhil Saluja

Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food.

— Nikhil Saluja

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. -- On your lips, color to enhance your beauty. On his collar, color only a tramp would wear!

— Nikhil Saluja

I scream, you scream, both of us scream because we are being murdered while eating ice cream.

— Nikhil Saluja

A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just need a search engine that'll remember exactly what I was about to Google when I forget.

— Nikhil Saluja

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the HUNTER says, Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots

— Nikhil Saluja

No matter how bad your day is going, just remember that somewhere in the world someone just got a pubic hair in…

— Nikhil Saluja

The only thing I have learned in thirty years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.

— Nikhil Saluja

School: An institute where the child goes to play while the parent goes to pay.

— Nikhil Saluja

There is nothing like love in this world unless you experience it.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies, Don't worry - if you haven't found the man of your dreams yet, there's always a vibrator.

— Nikhil Saluja

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel: Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice; takes care of business.

— Nikhil Saluja