“I respect a man not for the clothes he wears, but for the clothes he doesn’t wear. Yes, nudity is an admirable… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a Red Beard Replacement, for those of us who can’t grow facial hair, but desire the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I respect my elders, but I don’t respect the Myelders, who are my neighbors, because they are so neglectful of their lawn… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a deep respect for shallow pockets. They keep politicians honest. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I respect people who make eye contact (blind people get a free respect card).” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you can’t respect me as a banana, then I’m not sure how you can respect me as a man. Aside from… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s hard to maintain dignity while wearing a coat made out of peacock feathers and pants made out of geriatric human flesh.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People are more likely to like you if you treat them with respect and Linseed oil.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I is not only a letter, I is me. So in that respect, I guess I am a simple guy.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I saw a hermaphrodite changing, so out of respect, I turned halfway around.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
