President Bush spent the day calling names he couldn't pronounce in countries he never knew existed. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
How many are worried about a government shutdown? How many are more worried about it starting back up? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Did you hear that we're writing Iraq's new Constitution? Why not just give them ours? We're not using it anymore. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We should make politicians dress like race car drivers -- when they get money, make them wear the company logos on their… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Howard Dean is a politician, a medical doctor and a Democrat. So he has three reasons to tell women to take off… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence ... and then he had to leave… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don't send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Nancy Pelosi said that when it comes to cleaning up government, the Democrats have drained the swamp. The only problem with that… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Now see, a lot of critics are saying Arnold can't get elected because he's just an ambitious guy with a famous name,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Scientists believe that monkeys can be taught to think, lie and even play politics within their community. If we can just teach… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
More warnings issued by all branches of the government today that another terrorist attack is imminent. We're not sure when, we're not… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I understand the chairman of the Senate Ethics comittee is going to examine the check-bouncing scandal with a microscope. ...makes sense... If… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Senate is now considering increasing government subsidies for corn growers to produce more ethanol. If we produce enough ethanol we can… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Al Gore has found a new job. He is going to teach journalism at Columbia University, which is ironic isn't it? The… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bought… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The federal government said today they've begun training sessions for airport security workers to provide what they call more customer satisfaction to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Elections in L.A. are so different. Here you've got politicians with phony smiles making false promises to voters with fake boobs and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Iraqis sat down for talks on how to put together a post-war government. They would have sat down yesterday, but somebody… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Clinton's pet Labrador, Buddy, is getting neutered. The dog will never have sex again. Overnight, they've turned Buddy from a Democrat into… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Isn't it a little ironic here? We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I looked up the word POLITICS in the dictionary, and it's actually a combination of two words: poli, which means 'many,' and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I'm glad the government has shut down. Think about it, for the first time in years it's safe to talk on the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We've got the government shutdown, but the beginning of Obamacare. You know what that means? You can now complain to your doctor… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry described his Republican critics as 'the most crooked, lying group I've ever seen.' Now, that's saying something, because Kerry's both… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Neural scientists at M.I.T. say they can plant false memories in your brain. No, that is not new. Politicians have been doing… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Political experts are saying the reason John Kerry is doing so well is because he's 'electable.' Hey, so was Al Gore -… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Several states are now looking into the possibility of taxing marijuana as a source of revenue. That is so typical of the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I love all these politicians, they all say the same thing - 'We'll give California back to the people.' Yeah, great, now… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
While visiting Kenya, former President Clinton was offered 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter, Chelsea, by a love struck government… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to government auditors, the stimulus money is being held up because there aren't enough government workers to oversee the spending. So… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
So, it's pretty crazy. Look, we're bailing out Wall Street, we're bailing out banks, we're bailing out car companies. In fact, did… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Political analysts say that President Bush's re-election strategy is to try and convince Americans that he's a war president. I don't get… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
