I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categorize them, combining them… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. It doesn't only represent the good things. If you burn the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer. When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage. I've always written in the long format, five, eight, 10-minute pieces… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If there were only one cherry pie in the world, and Bill Clinton owned it, I might get a piece of it.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
