“A peaceful wave came over me, and I thought, Thank God I’m holding my breath.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I had the word “war” in my last name, like “Flowar,” I’d probably be a peaceful guy.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The peace corps looks like peace corpse, and death isn’t a very peaceful thought to me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Courage is a commodity I sell in times of peace. But then my father was a chicken farmer.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve been giving my armpits mixed signals, may they come to know peace, prosperity, and perspiration.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s hard to hear over the racket of gunfire. Politicians want to talk about war, but the people want to talk about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a spreadsheet of all the women I'd like to spread and sheet. Your mom is on my list. So is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket can be a meditation device. If the blanket is white, and you stare at it, you can blank out your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want a trophy wife. I’ll keep her on the shelf next to my future Nobel peace prize. (I plan on inventing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think Gummy Bears should be the universal symbol for peace, because peace leads to prosperity, prosperity leads to decadence, and decadence… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to perpetually feed the hungry, stop all wars, educate the masses, and ensure everlasting peace for all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
