“33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m getting gray hair in all sorts of crazy places. Like all over my carpet. It’s like I live in a nursing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We were wearing diapers at the same time. We didn’t grow up together, however. I was in the crib, and she was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You could say I lost my cool when I got heckled, but I wasn’t cool to begin with. Man, those nursing home… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I haven’t seen my old friends in a while. Maybe next week I’ll go visit them in the nursing home.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
