You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Heroin, forget it. In my neighborhood, I could see what heroin did firsthand and I was definitely afraid of that number. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I'm never critical or judgmental about whether or not a movie is any good. The way I look at it, if several… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If two baseball players from the same hometown, on different teams, receive the same uniform number, it is not ironic. It is… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
