One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Of all the wonderful things government says, that's always been just about my favorite. As opposed to if you get to keep… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There are a number of people without whom I could not have written this book, but I hope you don't hold that… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If everybody were a guy, the human race could easily get by on less than one twentieth the current number of shoes. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There are also a number of humans living up there (Canada), and in many ways they have a lifestyle quite similar to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Imagine what will happen to this nation if large numbers of American women start using the Wonderbra. It will be catastrophic. The… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Nevada has a very dynamic economy, with gambling being the number-one industry, followed closely by blood donorship. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Florida's number three industry, behind tourism and skin cancer, is voter fraud. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat "what if?" questions and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
