“You know you're young when someone asks you for money and you take it as a compliment.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“I’m surrounded by people who have more money than they know what to do with, and none of them have earned it.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
You know, when you need drugs and you don't have a lot of money, what you'll do is you'll hang out with… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
On one tour, I was collecting stories about pet monkeys. You'd be surprised how many people have stories about monkeys. The problem… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
..she took pictures of germs, viruses, and people reacting to germs and viruses. On weekends, for extra money, she photographed weddings, which… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Sex is what you boast about when you have no exterior signs of wealth. It's a way of saying, "Look, I might… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“We'd all turn our backs on privilege, but comfortably, the way you can when you still have access to it. No one… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
For as long as I can remember, my father saved. He saves money, he saves disfigured sticks that resemble disfigured celebrities, and… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“I'd think it strange that the boardinghouse attracted both him and me, but that's what cheap places do -- draw in people… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you go to that other country you realize that in France and in England, you don't ask somebody what they do… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
