I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You ever notice that? Any time you see two groups of people who really hate each other, chances are good they're wearing… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You don’t see many of these white anti-abortion women volunteering to have any black fetuses transplanted into their uterus’s, do you? No,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think of shock as kind of an uptown form of surprise. Comedy is filled with surprise, so when I cross a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
No, there's no God, but there might be some sort of an organizing intelligence, and I think to understand it is way… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Abraham Maslow said that the fully realized person transcends his local group and identifies with the species. But the election of Ronald… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If there were only one cherry pie in the world, and Bill Clinton owned it, I might get a piece of it.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My history of moving away from drugs is not the kind you hear from most people. Certainly not from celebrities, especially those… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
