Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Laugh..apologiz e..let go of what you can't change. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
And, of course, the funniest food: "kumquats". I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I saw Danny Kaye in a movie, and he was doing voices and faces on that big, big screen and making whole… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I enjoy watching a woman with really bad teeth and a good sense of humor struggling to use her lips and tongue… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Primitive societies, or social groupings, had shamans, and some of them even more recent in time. Shamans were tricksters. There was a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the whole being… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
