Heaven knows insanity was disreputable enough, long ago; but now that the lawyers have got to cutting every gallows rope and picking… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never made a success of a lecture delivered in a church yet. People are afraid to laugh in a church. They… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The Church worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Nevertheless we have this curious spectacle: daily the trained parrot in the pulpit gravely delivers himself of these ironies, which he has… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The true and lasting genius of humour does not drag you thus to boxes labelled 'pathos,' 'humour,' and show you all the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Will a day come when the race will detect the funniness of these juvenilities and laugh at them—and by laughing at them… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It is the Creator´s Grand Army, and he is the Commander-in-Chief... With these facts before you, now try to guess man´s chiefest… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A little more kindness, A little less speed, A little more giving, A little less greed, A little more smile, A little… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The devil's aversion to holy water is a light matter compared with a despots dread of a newspaper that laughs. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
