If I promise you I'll show up fifteen minutes late, I'll always arrive on time. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Five minutes ago it was five minutes late, and my watch is five minutes slow.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll make Chad to you. By that I mean I’ll leave late and come early.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew it at the time because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My name is Mr. Potatohead, and I’m looking for my wife. But I fear I’m too late, and that she’s already part… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I feel like I’m late for love. I’ll be 30 in March. Damn it! I knew I should have set my alarm… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have an inconsequential errand to run tomorrow so I’ll get up at 5, be there at 5:30, and wait for them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Agatha told me she was late, and I thought, I haven’t slept with her in years—she really must be late. I’m going… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“4:00 am—it’s not too early to drink wine, it’s too late. Too late by seven minutes. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I was nine minutes late for my last birthday party. And I was nine months on time for my first birthday.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You just tell me when and where, and not only will I not be there, but I’ll also be late.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I'm running late, but there's always time to scribble weird messages in guest signage books. Also, am I really late? The Catholic… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The closer I get, the faster I have to go. Otherwise, I might be late to the very place where I’m not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made plans for 8:00. When my girlfriend told me she was late, I told her, “That’s funny, because my sperm was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
