Lasts Quotes by David Letterman

This will be Michelle Obama's last opportunity to try to get me to eat kale.

— David Letterman

Last month Mitt Romney raised $76 million. He found it in an old sport-coat pocket.

— David Letterman

How many people saw Arnold's speech last night? I haven't seen that many Kennedys in one place since their last trial.

— David Letterman

Last Halloween I ran out of candy and I had to give the kids nicotine gum.

— David Letterman

It's tax season. When I woke this morning and realized it was tax season, I said, My God, didn't we just pay…

— David Letterman

Last night we had Bill Clinton, the former president. Security was as tight as Governor Christie's yoga pants.

— David Letterman

The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag

— David Letterman

But I was thinking about this, the Obamas want to adopt a stray dog from the pound. And I think that is…

— David Letterman

New Republican Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is fluent in Chinese. In a short period of time the Republicans have come quite a…

— David Letterman

John McCain turned 72 years old last Friday, but the Chinese are making him a birth certificate that says he's only 33…

— David Letterman

Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote,…

— David Letterman

You know, Barack Obama the last ten days was traveling overseas campaigning in Europe and everywhere. It was so successful, campaigning abroad,…

— David Letterman

God forbid I should be the last one to criticize, but I think may be Howard Dean has a bit of a…

— David Letterman

In the last 48 hours King Abdullah from Saudi Arabia passed away. I have a moral dilemma. The king passed away three…

— David Letterman

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God,…

— David Letterman

When I stopped smoking cigars it was the biggest mistake I made in my life. So my resolution for 98 is Im…

— David Letterman

Last night, President Bush gave a prime-time press conference. It was such a big deal that Fox decided to preempt American Idol.…

— David Letterman

I want to tell you though, I'm having the absolute best birthday ever. Last night -- this was so sweet, it means…

— David Letterman

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence.…

— David Letterman