The once-surprising existence of non-Euclidean models of Euclid's first four axioms can be seen as a sort of mathematical joke. — John Allen Paulos Copy Share Image
I've come to feel very strongly, not as a joke, that if you appoint a committee of more than four people, their… — Charlton Heston Copy Share Image
Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in… — Alan Moore Copy Share Image
I just do little jokes all the time and people think I'm serious. I know exactly who Gordon Ramsay is, I know… — Paris Hilton Copy Share Image
I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
How do you keep a Blonde busy? Give the Blonde a piece of paper that has the words 'Turn Over' on both… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
All day my mind drifts off into fantasies and little stupid jokes. — Jean-Pierre Jeunet Copy Share Image
The inside jokes weren't jokes anymore. They had become stories. Nobody brought up the bad names or the bad times. And nobody… — Stephen Chbosky Copy Share Image
I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs; next thing you know, I'm… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
“We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
A great door opened by God for work, but while I'm doing the work, all Hell breaks loose. Oh! The idea that… — Jim Cymbala Copy Share Image
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I have a great idea. Lets make a show and kill off all the main Characters.. The FOLLOWING — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
“You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
First of all, I don't think of myself as a northern Michigan writer. I think of myself as an American writer who… — Jack Driscoll Copy Share Image
“what came first the chicken or the egg? The chicken. That is how it got knocked up in the first place.” — Teresa Mummert Copy Share Image
2 snakes on FB chat: snake1: fusss snake 2 :fusss . snake1: fusss fusss fusss snake2:fussss fusss fusss . snake1: fussss fusss… — Prateek Jain Copy Share Image
There are a lot of clubs that are like, 'Don't do political jokes because it incites a lot of heckling.' — Michelle Buteau Copy Share Image
3 blonds were driving to Disney World: The sign said 'Disney World Left,' so they started crying, turned around and drove home. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I'm a taker in terms of jokes. I love to hear a good joke, but I don't retain jokes. I'm not a… — Steve Carell Copy Share Image
The jokes that take my last name and equate them to a sex act ... is a really cruel thing to do. — Monica Lewinsky Copy Share Image
He loved me. He'd loved me as long as he he'd known me! I hadn't loved him as long perhaps, but now… — Gail Carson Levine Copy Share Image
Compromise: The art of dividing the cake in a way that makes everyone believe they got the largest piece. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you have the personalities down, you understand them and identify with them; you can stick them in any situation and have… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
Whether a man chooses to tell the truth in long sentences or short jokes is a problem analogous to whether he chooses… — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
Most people who seek attention and regard by announcing that they're writing a novel are actually so devoid of narrative talent that… — Paul Fussell Copy Share Image
I'm not sure if I'm depressed. I mean, I'm not exactly sad. But I'm not exactly happy either. I can laugh and… — John Green Copy Share Image
Rush hour brings out the worst in some people. They make faces, gesture, yell, call names, bump you with their car, and… — Jennifer James Copy Share Image
Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of… — Isaac Asimov Copy Share Image
My goal is to get on the national team. People joke that we'll be able to go to Beijing in 2008, but… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
