Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy… — Howie Carr Copy Share Image
I love south africa : they ask this guy : So sir will ever try do bicycle stunts: SiR: No I am… — Syntific Copy Share Image
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car... Is having to poop as soon as you get out… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I joke that I stick with the job because it covers my insurance, but the reality is that my career has always… — Michelle Obama Copy Share Image
You think it's funny? well I'm going to think it's funny when someone treats you like shit, and makes you do this… — Alexia Copy Share Image
Jokes spread around the world and embed themselves in our shared culture; the most resonant of them get lodged in the language… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I write in reverse: Rather than come up with a narrative and write jokes for that narrative, I write jokes independently of… — Jeff Kinney Copy Share Image
Yes, we were amazed when that happened. It was a real joke to us. Konrad Lueg and I did a Happening, and… — Gerhard Richter Copy Share Image
I have this JPM thing: jokes per minute. I've worked out that I should get in about 12 punchlines in five minutes.… — Frank Skinner Copy Share Image
I know the look of an apple that is roasting and sizzling on the hearth on a winter's evening, and I know… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There is a fact-based belief system available to you if you want to believe in facts. But this is the weirdest time.… — John Flansburgh Copy Share Image
I did a guest shot on a comedy series where they did 20 to 30 takes of everything. It's just gone by… — Dick Van Dyke Copy Share Image
“I wrote. I wrote all the things I couldn’t say to him. I wrote about how much I believed in us. I… — Kimberly Novosel Copy Share Image
I joke that I've never been burdened by having an actual hit. There's something to that. My records have sold enough to… — Lyle Lovett Copy Share Image
The very phrase 'Oscar night' used to accelerate my pulse. For one thing - dating myself - it meant Bob Hope. He… — Dick Cavett Copy Share Image
At MakerBot, we joke that if we were engineers we would still be on our first prototype. There's something about just 'Doing… — Bre Pettis Copy Share Image
The Communists have for decades loudly proclaimed their goal of destroying the bourgeois world, while the West merely smiled at what seemed… — Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn Copy Share Image
As a comedian, I'm like one of those on-the-scene reporters. I will actually go and try to find disasters so I can… — Paul Provenza Copy Share Image
Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought… — Robert Collier Copy Share Image
Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money.… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
The truth is, my dad was a great driver. I mean, he could handle an automobile. He loved speed. He used to… — Joe Biden Copy Share Image
Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman… — Max Kauffmann Copy Share Image
I love working on the fly when the writers come up with new jokes on show nights. It's exciting. I love it… — Allison Janney Copy Share Image
There has been nothing more impactful on my life and meaningful to me than the introduction of Christ. That, hands down, blows… — Steve Harvey Copy Share Image
I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade,… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
Ah, Signor Halt,' he said uncertainly, 'you are making a joke, yes?' 'He is making a joke, no,' Will said. 'But he… — John Flanagan Copy Share Image
I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Comedy is all about the joke. Comedies usually don't do anything fancy with the camera [or] the lighting. It doesn't matter. It… — Fede Alvarez Copy Share Image
So this year we doing the whole jesus on the cross thing .. All you Jesus wannabees inbox .. you definately gonna get nailed .. — Joey Bones Copy Share Image
If you were on the phone with me and Tommy right now, we would probably forget you were there, we'd just be… — Nikki Sixx Copy Share Image
We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes for the CD. You know what sweeten means, right? Sweeten is a show-biz… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
If Harriet Miers were not a crony of the president of the United States, her nomination to the Supreme Court would be… — Charles Krauthammer Copy Share Image
If you're going to have a book full of clever people and nobody ever jokes, it's just not going to ring true… — Patrick Rothfuss Copy Share Image
Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?" Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I… — Eoin Colfer Copy Share Image
My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
To me, the highest expression of life is art with jokes. It's very rarified, very difficult to accomplish if you want to… — Neil Peart Copy Share Image
![“Comedy is all about the joke. Comedies usually don't do anything fancy with the camera [or] the lighting. It doesn't matter. It should never be fancy.” quote by Fede Alvarez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/301/fede-alvarez-12117_cameras_comedy-is-all-about-the-joke-comedies-us_250669.jpg)
