I have no skills. I mean, I can make jokes, I'm pretty good at talking to people on the Judge John Hodgman… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
When we're on set, we kind of joke around, and when we're rehearsing, we change up the scenes and make each other… — Kellan Lutz Copy Share Image
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I used to take someone with me for the chemotherapy so I could do jokes. You always try and find something absurd. — Jennifer Saunders Copy Share Image
My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads,… — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
Anytime I can get either of them really laughing, I immediately pull out a pad of paper write the joke down, regardless… — Anthony Marra Copy Share Image
The simile has to match the tone of its surroundings and has to be like a little joke. Writing a simile that… — Ned Beauman Copy Share Image
she doesn’t really have a sense of humor. I think she’d like to have one—it’s just that she doesn’t quite understand what… — Sophie Kinsella Copy Share Image
My mother doesn't cook; my grandmother didn't cook. Her kids were raised by servants. They would joke about Sunday night dinner. It… — Katharine Weymouth Copy Share Image
When I started out, the most terrifying thing was when I had to be very, very emotional in front of lots of… — Julianne Moore Copy Share Image
I think when people mean that Discworld books have become darker they really mean the series is growing up. In 'The Colour… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
Let the surgeon take care to regulate the whole regimen of the patient's life for joy and happiness by promising that he… — Henri de Mondeville Copy Share Image
I have a basic theorem as to how I do my jokes. Growing up, I knew when to cross the line and… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred 'Chuckles' Jenkins, Britain's oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute,… — Ronnie Barker Copy Share Image
I'm not making fun of it because I want to make fun of it. I'm making fun of it so I feel… — Pete Davidson Copy Share Image
I think that every show on television has its place. I think Married With Children or, I don't know, The Nanny... some… — Peter Krause Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The jokes are great but what really matters for a comedian is his performance, his whole attitude, and the laughs that he… — Jack Dee Copy Share Image
My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention. — Carol Leifer Copy Share Image
I'm not sure if I'm depressed. I mean, I'm not exactly sad. But I'm not exactly happy either. I can laugh and… — John Green Copy Share Image
If you have to do something, write me a funny AIDS play. Sure you can. It's the biggest joke played on us… — Robert Patrick Copy Share Image
I joke that I spent 38 years scouring the globe, going to war zones, trying to find the person with my exact birthday. — Samantha Power Copy Share Image
Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Dad writes on sons wall Son, how have you been? Your mom & I Am fine, We miss you a lot Please… — Troublemaker Copy Share Image
It is said that, When a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she loves the most...! And When a man… — Zak Copy Share Image
Is everything a joke to you?” I asked. He dabbed his tongue to his lip again. “Not everything.” “Like what?” “You. — Becca Fitzpatrick Copy Share Image
“The material used to make MONEY should be changed from paper to RUBBER. So people can STRETCH it to make both ends… — Nelson M. Lubao Copy Share Image
Within those confining walls, teachers - a bunch of men all armed with the same information - gave the same lectures every… — Yukio Mishima Copy Share Image
I thought I could make a sarcastic joke about it. But it's based on my own struggle with how much to give,… — Nicole Holofcener Copy Share Image
I make jokes about the fact that as a neuro-surgeon I shouldn't be required at a motor race because the drivers don't… — Sid Watkins Copy Share Image
A satirist is someone who has a very skeptical view of human nature, but who still has the optimism to make some… — Stanley Kubrick Copy Share Image
For Europeans a president having an affair, especially in France, is a joke. No one cares, it would never bring this kind… — Julie Delpy Copy Share Image
I still think that, hopefully, you're not ahead of the jokes, and I think that has value. There is a punchline and… — David Cross Copy Share Image
Furious protesters don't come after you for jokes at the expense of people; they come after you for jokes at the expense… — David Baddiel Copy Share Image
People get so heated about it and can't see the funny side, I think. And plus, everything's been said. It must be… — Diane Morgan Copy Share Image
When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever. — Hannibal Buress Copy Share Image
R2-D2 is like that, but I think because he doesn't speak actual words, his jokes don't land. It's really a hindrance. And… — Alan Tudyk Copy Share Image
Very few people ever meet celebrities. All we really know is what we read about them and the most memorable lines are… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
I don't want to make compromises. I want my little silly jokes to be told with the correct punch line, and I'm… — Grant Hart Copy Share Image
No matter how bad your day is going, just remember that somewhere in the world someone just got a pubic hair in… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
