Husband: Tell me an Interesting fact that will make me happy and sad at the same time. Wife: Yours is bigger than… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
My comedy is for adults, but you can have your kids listen to it. They won't get all the jokes because hopefully… — Henry Cho Copy Share Image
My music started out as a complete joke, so really all I was doing was going for witty punchlines to make all… — Mike Stud Copy Share Image
Any time you can be with like-minded people, laughing or crying over the same joke or the same scene... For me, it's… — Michael De Luca Copy Share Image
Wonder Showzen was one of the first shows that realized each sketch, each segment is essentially one joke, and, once you know… — Eric Andre Copy Share Image
I realised that all one really had to do was just observe. Observe and slightly exaggerate, and you had comedy. Instead of… — Mel Brooks Copy Share Image
I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
In your thirties, you're much more comfortable with sex. First of all, sex is something you've done more. You know you can… — Julie Delpy Copy Share Image
Whenever the devil harasses you, seek the company of men or drink more, or joke and talk nonsense, or do some other… — Martin Luther Copy Share Image
The joke of it all is that you are looking from your true nature right now without knowing it. If you would… — Adyashanti Copy Share Image
I believe that a perfect house is like a perfect person; no one really wants to be around them and everyone secretly… — Emily Henderson Copy Share Image
Not that I don't think irreverent humor and someone being filthy is funny, I just do what I do. Any comedian would… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
[J.F Kennedy] was a congressman and a senator and he would go on to be president. I had that idea as a… — Mike Pence Copy Share Image
Celebrating the holidays in the White House over these past eight years has been a true privilege. We've been able to welcome… — Michelle Obama Copy Share Image
I kind of joke with myself that you shouldn't be able to be a creative producer if you weren't a first AD.… — Bruce Cohen Copy Share Image
It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was… — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation, when a man puts his location in a woman's destination, did you understand the explanation… — Azgraybebly Josland Copy Share Image
One should never risk a joke, even of the mildest and most unexceptional charters, except among people of culture and wit. — Jean de la Bruyere Copy Share Image
We were watching the first series recently, and it has a charm, a kind of amateur charm. At that point we didn't… — Jennifer Saunders Copy Share Image
I have a neighbor he is from China, he is a dwarf, I ask him what his name is? He said, Tai… — Glen Rambharack Copy Share Image
I think people love to be noticed, they love to feel included. A lot of people are flattered if you, you know,… — Jennifer Saunders Copy Share Image
Now and again there will be the occasional joke about owing someone two dollars from the days in '63 when I was… — Robert Plant Copy Share Image
The sun isn't your friend. It didn't laugh at that stupid little joke. But when the business failed, when your beauty failed,… — Sy Safransky Copy Share Image
Italians have a little joke, that the world is so hard a man must have two fathers to look after him, and… — Mario Puzo Copy Share Image
I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, “Oh, no, I'm joking,… — Anna Torv Copy Share Image
I stand above the tree level I am a tree I catch wind storm breaths My branches claw I drink sky It… — Marie Ponsot Copy Share Image
“You didn’t put up a protective shield?” “The shields I found on the Internet involved human sacrifice and down payment of my… — A. Kirk Copy Share Image
Facebook is now like home. If you don't come back in 24 hours it means you are either lost, dead, sick or… — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
Why do single girls take advice from other single girls? That's like ray charles giving stevie wonder driving directions. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like to smile a lot before going in the car. I make jokes, even on the grid, and then I can… — Romain Grosjean Copy Share Image
There's a lot of hypocrisy in audiences. I'd never dream of telling even on a nightclub stage, let alone my show, some… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't; it was the real audience going crazy after everything… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
I'd much rather be on stage talking to a couple of retards for twenty bucks than sitting at my desk thinking up… — Larry David Copy Share Image
Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's [John Mulaney Show] jokes that I have in stand up that I wouldn't try to put in, I would try to… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them. — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Power is nothing without a rock solid core. Pilates is the key to activating it...guys don't be fooled just 'cause women do… — DeMarcus Ware Copy Share Image
There were two things I used to do to seduce girls: jokes and music. Since I'm not a great pianist, jokes were… — Gad Elmaleh Copy Share Image
![“[J.F Kennedy] was a congressman and a senator and he would go on to be president. I had that idea as a little boy, and I used to joke to people but nobody told me that his father was ambassador to England and that he was a war hero, and he was, you know.” quote by Mike Pence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/887/mike-pence-577_ambassadors_j-f-kennedy-was-a-congressman-and-a-sena_516080.jpg)
![“Celebrating the holidays in the White House over these past eight years has been a true privilege. We've been able to welcome over half a million guests... our outstanding pastry chefs have baked 200,000 holiday cookies... and Barack [Obama] has treated the American people to countless dad jokes.” quote by Michelle Obama](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/a4a/michelle-obama-518_able_celebrating-the-holidays-in-the-white-ho_1473563.jpg)
![“There's [John Mulaney Show] jokes that I have in stand up that I wouldn't try to put in, I would try to have someone just speak extemporaneously in the middle of a scene about an episode of "Law and Order" or something.” quote by John Mulaney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/6b3/john-mulaney-7291_episodes_there-s-john-mulaney-show-jokes-that-i-h_1959102.jpg)
