I worried about playing God (in the movie Oh God). We're about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods. — George Burns Copy Share Image
He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie. — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
“If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary, somewhere between 'shit' and 'syphilis'.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. — Mignon McLaughlin Copy Share Image
If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
Everything serious that he says is a joke and everything humorous that he says is dead serious. — Clarence Darrow Copy Share Image
“Germans at the time believed, a little oddly, that dyes killed germs by turning the germs’ vital organs the wrong color.” — Sam Kean Copy Share Image
Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Diesel sucked air. "You keep fondling me like that, and I might have to marry you." "I'm not fondling you. I'm looking… — Janet Evanovich Copy Share Image
The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping… — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
“Every gay man out there has at least one man-crush in his past that totally shriveled his nads into raisins and sent… — T.A. Webb Copy Share Image
Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“He walked over to where the three were standing. “I see all the beauty is on this side of the room.” Viktoria… — Randy C. Dockens Copy Share Image
We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In high school, when I first heard of entropy, I was attracted to it immediately. They said that in nature all systems… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I really am a little afraid, my dear,” hinted the cherub meekly, “that you are not enjoying yourself?” “On the contrary,” returned… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
My character Milly in 'The Boy Who Could Fly' was a very strong part. There were dramatic moments, and there were humorous… — Lucy Deakins Copy Share Image
“Are you certain they never cut your member off?" Tormund gave a shrug, as if to say he would never understand such… — George R.R. Martin Copy Share Image
A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“As the boat filled and capsized, the aluminum boom flew across the cockpit and hit the side of Tiger’s head. The world… — Grahame Shannon Copy Share Image
It is considered in England and the United States that the Government of South Africa is altogether too harsh with its native… — L. Ron Hubbard Copy Share Image
While I would agree that I write about serious subjects, and that they're not necessarily the most pleasant subjects or even the… — Ann Beattie Copy Share Image
