“Although life and I are not always in love with each other, we do remain on close speaking terms.” — Brian Randleas Harmony Copy Share Image
“A premature death does not only rob one of the countless instances where one would have experienced pleasure, it also saves one… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
When I was young I used to read about the decline of Western civilization, and I decided it was something I would… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Saturday night in Toledo Ohio, Is like being nowhere at all, All through the day how the hours rush by, You sit… — John Denver Copy Share Image
I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you are writing about baloney, don't try and make it Cornish hen, because that's the worst kind of baloney there is.… — Leo Burnett Copy Share Image
“Didn't know you could measure distance so well with nothing but you bloody eyeballs” — James Dashner Copy Share Image
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
“Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write… — Lili St. Crow Copy Share Image
There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to… — Henry A. Kissinger Copy Share Image
“Toddlers are germ-warfare machines in a cute package" - Debora Geary” — Debora Geary Copy Share Image
“I'll send three of Harnet's Di'taken. I have it on good authority that they think the sun shines out of my ass."… — Tanya Huff Copy Share Image
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
“You have a visitor, my lord." I frowned, "What?" "That is why I came in here. You have a visitor waiting for… — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it's often the same message: They hope it's my last. — Al Forman Copy Share Image
I'm a Christian-libertarian-environmentalist-capitalist-lunatic. It's a humorous way for me to describe that I'm not stereotypical. — Joel Salatin Copy Share Image
He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
