“You know, there are several gay men on the faculty. Professor Montag makes jelly beans look colorless(...)” — Tara Lain Copy Share Image
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Eggs," said Henry dreamily, looking at his plate. "I do love eggs. I could eat them all day.” — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
Why would God bless you if all that you do, is show up on Sundays and park in the pew? — Kevin Pace Copy Share Image
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Lots of ways to have your steak Well done, medium rare, rare, bloody or fetch me a club — Stanley Victor Paskavich Copy Share Image
Being extremely honest is quite funny. But there's no recipe or concept that I can bring up that fully defines what we… — Yorgos Lanthimos Copy Share Image
People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Everybody's gone through things, and I think the point of comedy is to talk about those things in a humorous way so… — Janelle James Copy Share Image
“Possession of the box conferred a kind of power on the wielder--which was that anyone, confronted with the hypnotic glass eye, would… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“You're dying to meet my needs. You can't look away from my luscious half-naked body. The minute I opened the door you… — Kylie Scott Copy Share Image
The country has always been governed by a coalition but today it is governed by a so-called Grand Coalition which is a… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
Nothing is more characteristically juvenile than contempt for juvenility. . . youth's characteristic chronological snobbery. — C. S. Lewis Copy Share Image
Considering that "literary fiction" is a sub-genre that's not quite the same as "literature," either, it follows that the short, semi-humorous bits… — Lee Klein Copy Share Image
“Sergeant Colon owed thirty years of happy marriage to the fact that Mrs. Colon worked all day and Sargent Colon worked all… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“The beauty of the ultrasound scan is something that only parents can appreciate, but Emma had seen these things before and knew… — David Nicholls Copy Share Image
“What's your name?" "What?" I asked, squinting at the light. "Your name." I recognized Dr. Olendzki peering over me. "You know my… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
Indeed, it may be laid down as a general principle, that the more extended the ancestry, the greater the amount of violence… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“It seems - and who so astonished as they? - that they had held back material facts; that they were guilty of… — Rudyard Kipling Copy Share Image
“Where did you get that assault weapon?" "Assault weapon?" Zach turned his head to look at her. "Well, lookey there. You're cute… — Suzie Quint Copy Share Image
All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
