People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour." — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I'm just trying to suppress my natural impulses and get back to work. — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
Tel-Aviv airport is still the only airport in the world where each passenger is met by ten relatives. — George Mikes Copy Share Image
And I have a plan to do even better, to end welfare as we know it — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
“Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“His shoes looked too large; his sleeve looked too long; his hair looked too limp; his features looked too mean; his exposed… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Golf's really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. ... I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie.… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
“Shut up, Arthur,' said my mother, and he zipped his mouth shut like an infuriating child. Ginger started to laugh. Not at… — Sarah Winman Copy Share Image
I am far from sure when I am acting and when I am not or, should I more frankly put it, when… — Laurence Olivier Copy Share Image
If you're a fat person - and especially if you're a woman - at all stages of your life you'll get abuse… — Jo Brand Copy Share Image
“What did Finnick Odair want?” he asks. I turn and put my lips close to Peeta's and drop my eyelids in imitation… — Suzanne Collins Copy Share Image
“McG: 11:39 PM: Tease. A: Bushy prehistoric looking veggies frighten me. Lilliana: 11:41 PM: WTH are we talking about here? McG: 11:42… — Ella Dominguez Copy Share Image
“Mr Kingsley begins then by exclaiming- 'O the chicanery, the wholesale fraud, the vile hypocrisy, the conscience-killing tyranny of Rome! We have… — John Henry Newman Copy Share Image
Next," said Mrs Wilfer with a wave of her gloves, expressive of abdication under protest from the culinary throne, "I would recommend… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“He would not object, he said, to accepting a post as a librarian. But as Cecilia was unable to imagine that her… — Georgette Heyer Copy Share Image
“There were, however, a few exceptions. One was Norma Dodsworth, the poet, who had not unpleasantly drunk but had been sensible enough… — Arthur C. Clarke Copy Share Image
Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people.… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I am absolutely sick unto death of hearing people say - they all say this; it must be Item One on the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
