Humorous Quotes · Page 3

“Life is clourless.”

— Lailah Gifty Akita

Character doesn't matter.

— William J. Clinton

“Solomon smiles with us”

— N.D. Wilson

God help the patient.

— William Murray, 1st Earl of Mansfield

All geniuses die young.

— Groucho Marx

“Real men don't make salad”

— Pete Decker

I got to take a

— Anonymous

“Don't be your own devil.”

— Lailah Gifty Akita

“Then the Miller fell off his horse.”

— Geoffrey Chaucer

A dollar won is twice as sweet as a dollar earned.

— Paul Newman

If you want a friend in Washington, buy a dog.

— Harry S. Truman

“I can't complain, But sometimes I still do.”

— Joe Walsh

Ningauble shrugged. You're a hero. You should know.

— Fritz Leiber

“It is man who forsake is Maker.”

— Lailah Gifty Akita

“I'm an Author, not a Grammarist!”

— T.R. Patrick

“who me?" anita blake series by: Laurell K Hamilton”

— Laurell K. Hamilton

Humanism was not invented by man, but by a snake who suggested that the quest for autonomy might be a good idea.

— R. C. Sproul

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

— Mark Twain

I'm not a robot; I have a personality and I have emotions. I have a humorous side to me and an angry…

— Jeff Gordon

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

— Sacha Guitry

“We seldom look up to the person; we usually look up to their persona.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Behind every humorist who delights in knifing hypocrites is a major self-critic.”

— Wendy Aron

“If we take the president of GM, they'll make us pay to give him back." (said by a kidnapper)”

— Owen Laukkanen

If you share a good idea long enough, it will eventually fall on good people.

— Jim Rohn

“Hat head is a sad affliction wherein the chosen hat and the selected hairstyle are grossly incompatible. The unfortunate combination results in…

— Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

“Felicity was horrible and snide, but then Felicity had been a repulsive earwig ever since she first grew a vocabulary.”

— Gail Carriger

There are two kinds of solar-heat systems: passive systems collect the sunlight that hits your home, and active systems collect the sunlight…

— Dave Barry

“Occupation: Writer Occupational Hazard: Carpel tunnel Solution: Wrist guards to bed or my hands do all the sleeping Perspective: I've decided my…

— Christy Hall

Elsewhere in Italy is the lovely city of Venice, which each year attracts millions of visitors despite the fact that it is…

— Dave Barry

“And there you sit, gloating over what you have done, as if you were a martyr or a public benefactor -- as…

— Hope Mirrlees

I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks…

— Jack Benny

“It's Salvation. When Jen told me I had a vision. A vision Rena. I think I saw the blessed mother smiling and…

— Nora Roberts

“Are you calling us pigs?’ Froi asked, watching as Rafuel winced for the tenth time at the formality of Froi’s Charyn.Rafuel thought…

— Melina Marchetta

A lot of opinions just really don't get to me. If anything, some of them were humorous and my favorite, you know…

— Keith Thurman

I love making people laugh, and to be able to be that humorous character was great. And I actually was very similar…

— Matthew Lewis

The Secretary, working in the Dismal Swamp betimes next morning, was informed that a youth waited in the hall who gave the…

— Charles Dickens

Don't call me when you're stuck in traffic. It's not my fault that radio sucks and did it ever occur to you…

— Bill Maher

“Dad said I had no respect for money and that if I didn't learn when I was little when was I going…

— Etgar Keret

“Artie: It's in here. Jim: Let's check this [box] first, Artie. Artie: Oh. [Finding a fake Sword of Kuniyoshi] Phony! How do…

— Wild Wild West TV

It seems an easy choice - sacrifice the tree for a human life - until one learns that three trees must be…

— Al Gore