An unsophisticated forecaster uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts - for support rather than for illumination. — Andrew Lang Copy Share Image
Notes for a ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“I lifted my wand, hoping she would see this as a dramatic move, not a threat. “Why once, in my bunker at… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
The method (of learning Japanese) recommended by experts is to be born as a Japanese baby and raised by a Japanese family,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Fighting with tangles, fighting with curls, the poor barber yanked, the poor barber pulled, until with one last effort (and to the… — Mili Fay Copy Share Image
Always enter like a kitten and leave like a lion. But NEVER enter like a lion and leave like a kitten. Always… — Carlson Gracie Copy Share Image
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
“God, I’ve just figured out what’s missing – you ditched the hallowed Albermarle Teddy Bear!’ I nodded. ‘Banished to a dark… — Tabitha McGowan Copy Share Image
“If I had echolocation I could map out the terrain of ab muscles through sheer force of will. His cut body is… — Julia Kent Copy Share Image
East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“One day in 1948 or 1949, the Brentwood County Mart, a shopping complex in an upscale neighborhood of Los Angeles, California, was… — Alex Ross Copy Share Image
I don't mind flying. I always pass out before the plane leaves the ground. — Naomi Campbell Copy Share Image
Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding. — Abraham Kaplan Copy Share Image
The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn't understand us at all. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I was voted Most Humorous in my senior class in high school, and I was a fan of comedy, my whole life.… — Rob Riggle Copy Share Image
“The difference between Strauss and Ranieri?” says one trader still at Salomon. “That’s easy. Strauss wouldn’t stoop to use the men’s room… — Michael Lewis Copy Share Image
There is almost no topic that can't benefit from being talked about in a humorous way. — Rachel Parris Copy Share Image
Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
