[Answering the phone] Hello, this is a recording, you've dialed the right number, now hang up and don't do it again. — Frank Sinatra Copy Share Image
“Anything else, Your Majesty?" "I didn't say my prayers." "I'll say them for you. Our father who art in et cetera, bless… — Maggie Osborne Copy Share Image
“For their never-ending endeavours to obtain or retain wealth, countries desperately need companies, because they—unlike most human beings—have the means of production,… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Oh crap! Someone is asking me to quote myself. Why don't they just ask me to drink acid and run naked into… — Elizabeth Anglin Copy Share Image
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry — Norman Wisdom Copy Share Image
We old roosters must be cautious. Don't try to outwit your arteries. — S. J. Perelman Copy Share Image
These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
He was a long, stripy policeman, who flowed out of his uniform at odd spots, as if Nature, setting out to make… — P. G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
“Basset Hounds never get scared. We’re fearless, resolute and know how to season a good lamb chop.” — Elias Zapple Copy Share Image
“Put it on your forehead and you'll feel better in no time!” — Alfred F. Jones Hetalia Copy Share Image
“Jack's doctors have told him he is crazy… but, the truth is, it's the Voices who are crazy, not him.” — Jennifer Daydreamer Copy Share Image
“The first sign that Karma was now in cahoots with the Devil Incarnate to ruin her existance should've been before sunrise and… — Kelly Moran Copy Share Image
“...he switched on the [flashlight]. When he did so, he instantly became the center attraction to a rowdy mob of those gnats,… — P.G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“In Wilson's scale of evaluations breakfast rated just after life itself and ahead of the chance of immortality." ~ By His Bootstraps… — Robert A. Heinlein Copy Share Image
“But the best part of catching Neil in the shower was, hands down, the loud, awful singing.” — Abigail Barnette Copy Share Image
“Every gay man out there has at least one man-crush in his past that totally shriveled his nads into raisins and sent… — T.A. Webb Copy Share Image
I hope we're not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Why (he wondered rhetorically) do people who have a position that's being attacked constantly state that they have a right to say… — Peter David Copy Share Image
In London there was no home cooking worthy of the name. When you were in funds you ate out. But only the… — Clive James Copy Share Image
The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today. — George Mikes Copy Share Image
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