“People who begin sentences with "I may be old-fashioned but—" are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong.” — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
“There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them." Robert… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
“There are two kinds of people in the world: those who divide the world into two kinds of people, and those who… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
Nine-tenths of the value of a sense of humor in writing is not in the things it makes one write but in… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
My first big mistake was made when, in a moment of weakness, I consented to learn the game; for a man who can frankly… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
But ice-crunching and loud gum-chewing, together with drumming on tables, and whistling the same tune 70 times in succession, because they indicate an indifference… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life whichdoes not include… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
I am both a public and a private school boy myself, having always changed schools just as the class in English in the new… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get out a new book by him… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
One of the chief duties of the fan is to engage in arguments with the man behind him. This department of the game has… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
“There are two kinds of people in the world: those who divide the world into two kinds of people, and those who do not.” — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
