Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
There seems to be a common strain of miserliness in the American people when it comes to throwing away toothpaste tubes which… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
People who begin sentences with "I may be old-fashioned but--" are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
I can get dressed earlier in the evening with every intention of going to a dance at midnight, but somehow after the… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
New York - The city where the people from Oshkosh look at the people from Dubuque in the next theater seats and… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
Consider the number of young people all over the world who are getting married, day in and day out, for no other… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
There are two kinds of people in this world - those who divide everything into two and those who don't — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born. We are constantly remarking on the fact that… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
The Great Arizona Desert is full of the bleaching bones of people who waited for me to start something. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
The art of cursing people seems to have lost its tang since the old days when a good malediction took four deep… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
It must be a source of great chagrin to those in charge to think of so many people being able to stick… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
My first big mistake was made when, in a moment of weakness, I consented to learn the game; for a man who can frankly… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
But ice-crunching and loud gum-chewing, together with drumming on tables, and whistling the same tune 70 times in succession, because they indicate an indifference… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life whichdoes not include… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
I am both a public and a private school boy myself, having always changed schools just as the class in English in the new… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get out a new book by him… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
One of the chief duties of the fan is to engage in arguments with the man behind him. This department of the game has… — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
“There are two kinds of people in the world: those who divide the world into two kinds of people, and those who do not.” — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
