“I had a dream about you. You were a lone candle on a barren vanilla cake, and I was the mighty breath… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I think about my clone, random songs pop into my head. Songs like, “Happy Birthday.” Will he celebrate the same birthday… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If a magic genie, from a lamp, offered me three wishes, I'd use one to wish you a happy birthday. So 33… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Instead of selling other countries weapons, we should sell them candles. Maybe then instead of singing the praises of war, they’d start… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m reminded of Orville Tethington, inventor of the world’s first steam-powered fog machine. He’s also the guy who, after the Germans invented… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My niece just turned one. I gave her a birthday card that read, "If you can read this, Happy Birthday!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Take me to Happy Birthday Land. It’s open 364 days of the year, and the one day of the year it’s closed… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
