Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 31

Who ever says words can't hurt you has never got hit in the face with a dictionary!

— Anonymous

If you can't say goodbye to your past, then you just can't say hello to your future.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's like impossible not looking when someone says, Don't look!..

— Anonymous

We all have that one friend with a funny laugh.

— Anonymous

Its 2014 n still FB dint give us the option to tell that sitting on commode

— MOHAMMAD

I hate cupcakes, there too happy. thats why I eat them.

— AshleyEatsBabyz

Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.

— Savannah J

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).

— Anonymous

Why do people feel stronger on Saturdays and Sundays? because all other days are Weak days!..

— Anonymous

One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women are like coconuts. Sometimes you have to hit them really fucking hard before they will spread open.

— Nikhil Saluja

Why do we call it truth or dare when we all know it's really Who do you like or Awkward sexual task.

— Pretty Ladii

That moment when you forgot your password and computer driving you insane when network fail. Computer says No!

— Bel Claveria Carig Martinez

White people: 'OMG! I LOVE THIS SONG!' Black people: 'OH HELL YEAH NIGGA THIS IS MY SHIT!'

— Anonymous

I tried taking everything in Life with a grain of salt, but after using up two bags of salt, I gave up.

— Hussein Nishah

I miss you when I'm not with you. When I'm not with you all I do is think about you. When I…

— Nikhil Saluja

Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound ass should be in them!

— Jerett Parker

I dont always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent

— Hussein Nishah

How do I tell a guy I want to push him up against a wall and make out?

— Jenni Monroe

They use to be cooties , but now we call them STDs .

— Anonymous

When you don't have a good signal on your phone and you go all lion king on it.

— Anonymous

Women over 200 pounds with a visible thong should have to register as sex offenders.

— Nikhil Saluja

If my boss paid me in Trident Layers, I'd probably have to kick his ass.

— Anonymous

Alcoholic: A person you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't need to lie. But, sometimes, I like to give the truth an extreme makeover.

— Anonymous

A bicycle can't stand alone; . . . it is two tired.

— Nikhil Saluja

I cant wait for him to text me so I wont text him back!

— Anonymous

LOVE, The triumph of imagination over intelligence;

— Nikhil Saluja

The guy who stabbed himself with an icicle died of cold cuts.

— Nikhil Saluja

Rick Ross shirts be looking like a sheet from a King size bed!

— Anonymous

"Username or Password incorrect." TELL ME WHICH ONE YOU SON OF A BITCH

— Anonymous

Dude she just called you Taylor Swift. Oh hell Noo hold my guitar..

— Itsme867

Doctor: A person who kills your disease with pills and you with bills.

— Nikhil Saluja

Finding nemo TWO?! how the f*ck do you lose the same nikka twice ? lmaoo

— Syoung

I once made a Palm tree joke it's now out of date.

— Nikhil Saluja

Id like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste :)

— Asheya

Quickies...the best excuse for premature ejaculation ever.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies, God created you to make my dick hard, not my life...

— Nikhil Saluja

Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life! !!

— Anonymous

Last night I called this girl. SLUT in public & now she is charging me double for sex.

— Nikhil Saluja