Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 32

Facebook account for sale..friends included!.. !

— Anonymous

Puddle: A small body of water that attracts other small bodies wearing dry shoes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Most people don't realize their opinion is irrelevant as fuck.

— Nikhil Saluja

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

— Nikhil Saluja

A man hit me once. I was the last baby he ever delivered.

— Nikhil Saluja

When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'

— Anonymous

History may repeat itself, But Herstory won't ever shut the fuck up about it.

— Nikhil Saluja

All women want is sex while men want to talk about feelings and cuddle.

— Anonymous

Hurricanes are like women. When they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave, they take your house and car

— Anonymous

Ladies don't ask for much. They just want shoes, diamonds, less work, free money & a perfect man.

— Nikhil Saluja

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, then have we found the perfect location…

— Anonymous

Wondering why logging onto Face book has become part of the everyday routine?… Do I really have nothing better to do!

— Serenity Karma

If they ever made another remake of Joan of Arc, they should use Alicia Keys' song This Girl Is On Fire.

— Laura S

I told my daughter that she can't have boyfriend till her age is off the clock. *puts military clock on wall*

— Anonymous

My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.

— Enhance Dreams

Truly love you endlessly. Every day without you is like a book without pages. I love you, I will always do, for…

— F Abahusain

Don't Take It Seriously * When the DOCTOR says, Take off your clothes.

— Nikhil Saluja

I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my dad says its ok. :)

— Itsme867

Hey HOE *She Turns Around* Who You Callin a Hoe?.. Bitch You Turned Around!

— Jerett Parker

What is 2.5 inches long and can satisfy a woman every-time? A credit card.

— Anonymous

People with funny head shapes always have the best hat collection.

— Joel Taylor

If there was a cure for stupidity, Id post it and cure you all.

— Anonymous

HUSBAND, A man who lost his liberty in the pursuit of happiness;

— Nikhil Saluja

I see your lips moving, but all I hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah

— Nikhil Saluja

Revenge is a dish best served on the boobs a couple of times.

— Nikhil Saluja

I didnt say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

— Becca

It has been scientifically proven that the less you know, the more you think you know.

— Nikhil Saluja

I can't even imagine what people did at red lights before cellphones.

— Anonymous

The most common phrase in China: 'Hey! You look familiar!'

— Anonymous

My Ex-Wife was very hot. She died in burning car.

— Nikhil Saluja

I rather be hated for who I am, then to be loved for who I am not.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies: Men wouldn't cheat if you did a little less nagging, and a little more gagging.

— Nikhil Saluja

If facebook did have a dislike button there would be a lot of hurt feelings.

— Anonymous

Got in a wreck with a smart car today, its totaled. My bike is fine though.

— Anonymous

In today's world, the key to success is to delete your Facebook account!

— Anonymous

The quickest way to get someones attention is to no longer want it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Admit it, you've farted & blamed it on somebody else before.

— Anonymous

My grandfather died during sex. I still cry when I watch the video.

— Nikhil Saluja

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

— Nikhil Saluja

My wife is so bad at sex, I close my eyes and pretend she's my hand.

— Nikhil Saluja