That awkward moment when you press CTRL + W and never knew what it did until then. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm much more upset about Breaking Bad's shutdown than about the government's. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Facebook… Half Social Network… Half Shoe Store! Didnt Know I Was At The Mall. — J Create Copy Share Image
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape on backwards.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I would tell you a joke about Chris Brown and Rihanna but you'd never get the punch line .-. — Lyndon Renison Swasey Jr Copy Share Image
They said dress for the job you want not the job you have, so I dressed like Mr India and didn't show… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The blonde was always careful to remove her watch before putting on bug spray because she didn't want it to kill the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
On his daughter's diaper: There was so much poop. It didn't look like a baby's poop. It looked like a 55-year-old alcoholic… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If a woman has her tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette watch out. She's having a terrible day. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Women are magic creatures: they get wet without water, bleed without being injured, give milk without eating grass, & can make boneless meat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The NFL is boring, the NBA is disintegrating, baseball is totally predictable. Maybe we do need the XFL. Maybe we need Nude… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
For those who woke up in a Fussy mood this morning do me a favor, punch your spouse in their fucking face. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Diet rule 1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
A small man can cast a large shadow, especially when a fat man is standing behind him. — MJ McGuire Copy Share Image
I'm not single. I'm in a long standing relationship with fun and freedom — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Me: Your face must turn a few heads. She: And your face must turn a few stomachs. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Therapist: you should be in a mental institute Me: I'm already on Twitter — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Friend: Dude, that song is soo old. Me: So is your momm but you still listen to her. — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
China is only winning the Olympics because they made all the equipment... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whoever said nothing is impossible...Never tried to staple water to a tree. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Million dollar idea: A smart phone that doesn't receive phone calls. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Women may be able to fake an orgasm, but men can fake a whole relationship — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I never make the same mistake twice. Three, four times maybe. But never twice — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I don't have anger issues, I have issues with idiots who make me angry. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
