Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 27

You're such a boob. Just tittin. You're my best friend.

— Anonymous

Oh you're the type of girl that uses your personality as birth control.

— Nikhil Saluja

Face it, we wont get the perfect ending. Even Cinderalla has problems

— Kenzie-ann

If I'm not back in five minutes ... just wait longer.

— Nikhil Saluja

They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Whos in a hurry?

— Anonymous

I'd like to have a child one day.. two days at the most.

— Anonymous

If cheerleading is a sport then so is beer pong.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not lazy, I'm a master of energy conservation...

— Nikhil Saluja

I wish people would learn from their mistakes and not keep making the same exact ones, damaging themselves.

— Nikhil Saluja

When life gives me lemons, I'm like What's the catch? Because in this expensive world no one's just giving away free lemons.

— Nikhil Saluja

Weekends are like an orgasm: It takes a lot to get there and when you finally do, it's over in no time ._.

— Carlos Banks

The other day a girl wearing a shirt that says I'm just waiting for a better day so I Smooched her &…

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't forget to tell everyone how you hate Mondays, because we were all wondering how you feel about them.

— Nikhil Saluja

I love Justin Bieber Well, I love McDonalds but you don't see me making an account pretending to be a fucking chicken…

— Maicy Rasmus

Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order looks nothing like the photo on the…

— Anonymous

When you fuck over people who've been nothing but good to you, you create demons for yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you hate someone and you want to screw their life, introduce them to Twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corners of your mixed up soul.

— Nikhil Saluja

They changed the name to 'Facebook' because 'Stalk My Ex' seemed a little too creepy.

— Anonymous

Whats the worst thing to do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet.

— Anonymous

HUSBAND, What is left of a lover, after the nerve has been removed;

— Nikhil Saluja

I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

— Anonymous

Thirsty dudes make ugly girls think they're cute.

— Anonymous

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

— Hussein Nishah

FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hardly did I know when I met you That we are going to meet often

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, What we have in common with the residents of all third-world countries;

— Nikhil Saluja

My diabetic neighbor died in his sleep. I forgot to wish him 'sweet dreams.'

— Anonymous

Spiders are nature's perverts... Why else are they found in the bathrooms?

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head.

— Nikhil Saluja

No matter how funny you are, if I don't like you I wont laugh.

— Anonymous

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

— Nikhil Saluja

Did your mom drop you as a baby? Yeah, into a pool of sexy.

— Anonymous

I'm not sure how I feel about these feelings things.

— Nikhil Saluja

One of my coworkers has an annoying habit, He works! Makes me look bad.

— Nikhil Saluja

Relationships these days are shorter than a females period. -Just Saying

— Ephrem Hardin

Baby I need you like plankton needs the secret krabby patty formula

— Itsme867

OH NICE, so you can update your status via mobile, but you cant text me back?

— Anonymous

Rumors. Well at least you're spreading something else besides your legs.

— Anonymous

Going to McDonald's to get a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug.

— Anonymous