Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 26

I aint a redneck 'cause I talk American real good!

— Alec Straub

Note to self: Thanks for always being there.

— Nikhil Saluja

With so many girls pregnant at school, condoms should be on the supply list.

— Pretty Ladii

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

— Anonymous

Dear shirt, I fell in love with... I hate you. Sincerely, just saw the price tag.

— Itsme867

I just recieved a restraining order from my toilet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sisters always want back after giving, they never give and leave.

— Jinzo

Buy a hamster. Name it Virginity. Lose the hamster. Close enough.

— Anonymous

Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly closing it for the next person to…

— Anonymous

Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of your ears

— Hussein Nishah

A female saying that she doesn't like attention is like a guy saying he doesn't like getting blowjobs. -Just Saying

— Ephrem Hardin

KISSING, A method of getting two people so close together that they can't possibly see anything wrong with each other;

— Nikhil Saluja

This Christmas I've decided to put a mistletoe in my back pocket…so all the people I dont like can kiss my ass.

— Anonymous

Charging your phone 5 minutes before you leave, because you think it will make a difference.

— Anonymous

When teaching your foreign girlfriend the english alphabet,its only fair you start by giving her the d

— Chad Houston

Why do single women take advice from other single women? That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions.

— Hussein Nishah

What does it show when your popular on facebook... Shows you have no life

— Anonymous

Turning into a Ninja when your phone rings in another room!

— Becca

2 Chainz looks like the bagel guy from iCarly.

— Anonymous

When money grows on trees, you can bet there's a lot of grafting going on.

— Nikhil Saluja

Followers, because calling them The people who are witnessing your failure is too sad.

— Nikhil Saluja

Everything is made in China. Except for babies. They are made in VaChina.

— Anonymous

Being at home with loved ones all week has shown me how much I miss my miserable job.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've always wanted to get into a cab and yell, 'Follow that car!!!'

— Anonymous

Every time I get poked, I laugh...((Feeling like the Pillsbury Dough Boy!)) :)

— Shirley Ramos

If only forgetting a person was as easy as forgetting why I open the fridge...

— Nikhil Saluja

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

— Nikhil Saluja

Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans, I...Can't...Breathe! Sincerely, Your Balls.

— Anonymous

Don't fall for lines like, God protects his servants in the clergy from harm.

— Nikhil Saluja

DAD: Wanna Hear A Joke Son? SON: Yes DAD: Pussy SON: I Don't Get It... DAD: EXACTLY!

— Anonymous

People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.

— Hussein Nishah

So I got gas yesterday for $1.39! Too bad it was only from Taco Bell.

— Anonymous

I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE.

— Anonymous

LOVE, The only fire for which there is no insurance;

— Nikhil Saluja

If I kill your parents, you'll be a superhero in future.

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

— Nikhil Saluja

If the last page of your notebook is blank, you surely lack of creativity.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.

— Nikhil Saluja

I changed my car horn sound to gun shots, people move out of the way much faster now.

— Itsme867

A girl leaves you breathless after sex. The woman leaves you in a coma.

— Nikhil Saluja