Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said,… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win?… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God,… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald". — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works;… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
