Money Quotes by Rita Rudner

I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.

— Rita Rudner

Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now.

— Rita Rudner

Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different…

— Rita Rudner

Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

— Rita Rudner

Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into…

— Rita Rudner

The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

— Rita Rudner

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.

— Rita Rudner

When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with…

— Rita Rudner

My Vegas act is how I make my money.

— Rita Rudner

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

— Rita Rudner

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

— Rita Rudner

... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works;…

— Rita Rudner

We live in Los Angeles, where you are expected to move every two to four years, so people can see how well your career…

— Rita Rudner

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

— Rita Rudner

I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I…

— Rita Rudner