I just love dogs, and there really is no better companion than an animal. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I found out I had a real love for comedy and comedy writing. The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians,… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I'm not a person who likes authority. I just love the fact that it's up to me, and I go straight to… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win?… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works;… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
