The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
At the end of every year, I add up the time that I have spent on the phone on hold and subtract… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Barbie ruined my life! It's a really bad image for women. For a long time I thought I was deformed - because… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works;… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
